Role Models for Life!

Our children are great observers.  They listen to what we say, and then they closely watch what we do.  If our words and behaviors are out of sync, our behaviors will speak much more loudly than our lectures.  Because we are human, all too often we make the very mistakes we want to prevent our children from making.  

We tell them not to smoke as we keep puffing on our own cigarettes.  We talk about the dangers of driving under the influence, as we go to weddings, parties, etc. and feel "fine" enough to drive home.  We remind them of the importance of self respect as we struggle with setting appropriate boundaries with others.  Even some of the wonderful things we do can set dangerous precedents.  For instance, if we continually go out of our way to take care of our children, we send them the message that others are there to serve them.  If we allow a spouse or family member to speak disrespectfully to us, we give them subtle lessons about whose needs are more important in relationships. 

 We teach lessons on gender, influence, power, autonomy, respect, and values to our children on a daily basis without even knowing it.  Examining our behaviors from this viewpoint will give us a sneak peak into the lessons our children are learning from us, regardless of the ones we verbalize.  Maybe it's time to ask ourselves these questions?

1.  What would somebody observing my daily behavior think I valued in life?

2.  Are my values congruent with my actions?

3.  What lessons am I teaching my children about gender roles?

4.   What ideas are my children picking up from me regarding self respect?

5.  What example am I setting regarding conflict resolution?

6.  Are my children learning how to handle anger from observing my behavior when angry?

7.  Do I put myself down in front of my children?  If so, what does this teach them?

8.  Do I always sacrifice my own needs for others?  What message does this send?

9.  What behaviors would I like to change?

Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C.

Encourage Children to Dream Big Dreams!

When our children are very young, they believe in a world of endless possibilities! All too quickly, they "grow up" and learn to settle for things that are more realistic and practical. Those with active imaginations often hear some variation of the following. "Get your head out of the clouds." "Stop being such a dreamer." "That won't make you any money." "Get real."

Of course, reality is important. It grounds us and keeps us focused. Our dreams for ourselves, however, push us to transcend our present limitations as we try on all sorts of thoughts, ideas, and passions. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the permission and encouragement to dream big dreams. They'll have plenty of time to face the limitations imposed by "reality." They will not always achieve everything they aspire to; but by setting the possibility bar high, they might get much closer than we could ever imagine.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Ivy League or Bust!

In the past few years, I have seen many students and parents become frustrated and disappointed because of a rejection from an Ivy League School. From their standpoint, the student's academic, athletic, and extracurricular abilities should have put them in the running for acceptance. For awhile, I too was aggravated with these premiere universities. I couldn't see why they didn't accept many of these top-notch students.

Then I had the opportunity to attend a counselors' weekend at a highly selective university. I was able to sit in on a mock admissions committee, and I saw first-hand the difficult decisions these college counselors were faced with on a daily basis. We were asked to examine three applicants (whose identifying information had been covered up) and pick one of them for admission. We could decide to wait-list or deny the other two. I had no idea this would be so difficult. Each applicant was absolutely amazing. They had straight A's in exceptionally challenging course work. All three of them were not only involved in activities on paper,they put their hearts and souls into everything they did. They all were talented athletes. One had started his own business. Another volunteered in other countries during the summer. The third one wrote and performed his own music. Their essays were all creative and intriguing, and their letters of recommendation really made them come alive on paper. It was obvious that all three of them loved learning, enjoyed immersing themselves in reading and writing, and had excellent communication skills. In my "committee" we had trouble agreeing on which student should be picked. Our reasons varied, and it was extremely frustrating. Eventually we chose one, and wait-listed the other two. It turned out that our decision matched the university's. Another committee might have just as easily picked one of the other applicants.

If your child's dream is to attend an Ivy League University, ask yourself these questions?

Does my child do well on his own, or do I constantly have to push him/her?

Does he/she go above and beyond the call of duty on a regular basis?

Is he/she willing to spend a significant amount of his time on educational activities?

Does my child stand out head and shoulders above the crowd in some way?

Does he/she demonstrate leadership and a desire to help others?

Will his/her written communication skills compare well to other equally gifted applicants?

Is my son/daughter truly interested in learning?

How does my son/daughter handle challenges?

Ten Tips for Raising Responsible Children!

In this day and age, parenting is not always an easy task. We want so many things for our children, and we don't want them to have to learn the hard way. Too often, we focus on their happiess at the expense of instilling a sense of responsibility in them. Happy adults usually feel capable of solving their own problems, take responsibility for their actions and choices, and contribute something to the world they live in.

So how do we raise children who will be prepared to handle the challenges facing them in adulthood? Consider these ten tips for raising responsible children.

1. Say "no" to their requests several times a week.


2. Let them solve their own problems as much as possible.


3. Don't rush to rescue them from disappointments and heartache. Instead, support their coping skills.


4. Let them know they are needed in the family by giving them meaningful chores.


5. Take them to volunteer with you.


6. Expect courtesy at all times.


7. Don't let them see you as their personal slave.


8. Allow them opportunities to demonstrate that they are capable by letting them do things for themselves.


9. Realize that if you expect them to be truthful, you have to be able to "hear" the truth without erupting.


10. Teach them that mistakes are a part of life. Help your children see them as learning opportunities.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Someday Your Children Will Be Adults!

Tim and I and my 90-year-old mother just got back from visiting our son, Sean, in Kentucky. He is going into his last year at Butler University, majoring in Actuarial Science. This summer he has an internship with Aegon Insurance, and it has been a wonderful experience for him. We wanted to see him in Kentucky one more time before he heads back to school. Meghan, our daughter, and her boyfriend Frank came with as well. Sean recently passed his first actuary exam, and Meg passed her first set of medical boards. As we laughed and celebrated their successes, I couldn't help but remember the many times over the years that we watched them struggle, grow, succeed, and start the process over and over again. At times, I cried with them over disappointments, heartache, and challenges. Then the sun would come out, and my heart would swell with joy as things turned around for them.

The same holds true for my oldest son, Ryan, and his wife, Heather, who could not be with us for this trip. Ryan is doing a great job as a process scientist in a pharmaceutical company and being trained in Six Sigma, while Heather is a talented artist and teacher who brings warmth and sensitivity to her work. She just completed her master's degree as a reading specialist. They were celebrating their third anniversary while we were in Kentucky.

It is an amazing experience to relate to your children as adults. It puts so many things in perspective, and it also is bittersweet. While I miss their daily presence in my life as children, the rewards of enjoying their adulthood never cease. I look forward to celebrating many more occasions with them as the future unfolds.

The Importance of Self-Care!

Self-Care For Parents
By Mia Redrick

The demands of family life are exhausting. Carpooling, school activities, and birthday parties are just some of the many things we support in our children's lives. As parents, it is easy to become so inundated taking care of our children that we forget to nurture ourselves. This month, let's make a commitment to nurture Mom and Dad. Our children are counting on us to set the right examples for them to follow. Let's teach them the value of self-care. By doing so, we illustrate to our children the importance of loving ourselves.

When we take time to care for ourselves, we feel empowered and are better able to accomplish more in our lives. Caring for ourselves permits us to love everyone around us better. As a result, we become more giving, grateful, and happy. By establishing quality adult time, we can connect and reflect on who we really are and what we really want. When was the last time you considered what was best for you? When was the last time you relaxed in your favorite chair and enjoyed a cup of coffee? How many minutes each day do you get to connect with your spouse? Making the commitment to improve the quality of each day is a decision. Take small steps to enhance your life.

Over the course of this year I am going to share with you some specific strategies on caring for Mom and Dad. As the mother of three children between one and eight years old, I know first-hand the challenges that parents face. My husband and I make time every month to consistently nurture ourselves and our relationship. I believe that the best parents are ones that place their self-care as a priority. The benefits to our children are immediate when we take better care of ourselves. By sowing self-care into our lives we reap the benefits of reduced personal stress, anxiety and frustration. This month, follow my five strategies for Renewing the Self:

Rest
Find time to be still every day. Take the time to stop the roller coaster of life and slow down. When we are rested, we make better decisions.

Read
Renew your mind. Fall in love with reading again. In my home, we Drop Everything And Read (D.E.A.R). Set clear expectations with your children that everyone is going to read individually for 15 minutes, thereby limiting interruptions. No excuses. Reading allows us to escape the pressures of the day and allows us to expand our minds.

Rejuvenate
Rejuvenate your spirit. Take some time each day to connect with your higher power. Pray, reflect and meditate to connect with your spirit and allow peace to work in your life.

Readjust
Readjust your priorities. Is your family too busy? This is a great question to ask. Is your family racing from Monday morning to Sunday evening? Limit your children's activities. Be realistic about each commitment.

Reward
Reward yourself. Go on a date with yourself, your spouse or a friend. Take some time away from the children and enjoy some grown-up time. When you return you will feel like a new person.

Making the decision to care for yourself is a choice. This month, choose to make self-care a priority. Remember that self-care is not negotiable, but necessary in order to be the best parent possible.

Live Fully,
Mia

Challenge! - Making the decision to care for yourself is a choice. This month, choose to make self-care a priority. Remember that self-care is not negotiable, but necessary in order to be the best parent possible. And to get you started creating your own list of goals, I would like to invite you to claim your free access to my E-book "Eliminating Mommy Burn-Out". Get free access at http://www.helpformomsreport.com

From Mia Redrick- Author, Time for mom-Me:5 Essential Strategies for A Mother's Self-Care and Finding Definitions, the premier self-care community for mothers http://www.findingdefinitions.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mia_Redrick
http://EzineArticles.com/?Self-Care-For-Parents&id=1317166

Don't Lose Sight of the Big Picture!

Many times, while my children were growing up, I found myself getting upset, angry, and frustrated with one thing or another. Instead of enjoying the relationship to the fullest, I often worried about grades, messy rooms, unusual hair styles, boyfriends, girlfriends, the future, the past, etc. Today, I can't even remember the reasons for many of our arguments and disagreement, and most of the things I worried about never happened.

In the midst of life's minor annoyances, it's easy to lose sight of what really matters. We can all too easily miss the forest for the trees. When you find your relationship with your children becoming strained over things that won't matter a few months from now, take a step back and ask yourself these questions?

• Is this worth putting a strain on our relationship?
• Will I even care about this in a few weeks?
• What am I really upset about?
• How can I handle this in a way that keeps the relationship in tact?
• How would I have liked my own parents to have dealt with this issue?
• What is the lesson I want to teach my son/daughter about handling conflicts?

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®