Rev Up Their Self-Esteem!

We know that developing healthy self-esteem in our children is critical to their future happiness as adults. However, that is sometimes easier said than done. In order to do so, we must first get clear about what self-esteem actually does and does not mean.

The self-esteem movement, taken in the wrong direction in the past, led to a sense of entitlement in many of our nation's youth. With an over-inflated sense of self, they all too often developed the belief that the world (and everyone in it) was there solely for their own enjoyment and happiness.

As adults, we worked hard to sweep disappointment and challenges out of their paths-for fear these experiences would damage their fragile self-esteem. By covering up weaknesses and apparent flaws, we unknowingly gave the impression that anything less than perfection might put a dent in the very fabric of their ability to love and accept themselves. We definitely missed the boat on that one.

True self-esteem develops from an unconditional acceptance of both our strengths and our weaknesses. It strengthens in the face of struggle. In order to rev up your children's true self-esteem, follow these six suggestions.

1. Value them for who they are - flaws and all!

2. Give them opportunities to see their mistakes as stepping stones to their ultimate success.

3. Expose them to stories of people who have triumphed in the face of challenge! Check out the short movie clips , especially "Finish Strong" at Personal Transformations.

4. Demonstrate your belief in them by holding them accountable for their actions.

5. Let them solve some of their own problems.

6. Don't do something for them if they are capable of doing it for themselves.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Love is a Priceless Gift!

Giving the Gift of Love

By Kathy Slattengren

During a parenting seminar, parents were asked to think back to our own childhoods and remember someone who really loved us. The leader then asked us what we remembered about how that person showed us their love.

We reported many fond memories including:

• Spent one-on-one time with me
• Played card games together
• Cooked my favorite meal
• Face lit up when I arrived
• Asked questions about how things were going for me
• Sat together and talked
• Baked special cookies with me
• Went on walks in the park together
• Taught me how to knit

She pointed out that not a single one of our responses involved material gifts like iPods, Legos, scooters or televisions. What will our children remember when they look back at their childhood? Probably the same type of things we remember... the special times spent together.

We communicate our love to our children when we choose to spend time with them. It's the things we do together with our children that they will remember the rest of their lives. Long after they have forgotten the very cool toy we bought for their birthday, they will remember the afternoons we spent playing catch in the backyard or baking cookies together.

Challenge yourself to carve out time to do something special with your children. You may want to talk to them about what they would really like to do or you could surprise them. Consider writing this activity on the calendar so that everyone remembers it and something else doesn't accidentally get scheduled. Remember the gifts that will last the longest are the ones where you spend special time together.

Kathy Slattengren is a noted parenting speaker, trainer and founder of Priceless Parenting. Priceless Parenting provides an online parenting class which teaches effective discipline techniques for positively dealing with misbehavior.

To receive regular parenting tips, sign up for the Priceless Parenting monthly newsletter.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kathy_Slattengren
http://EzineArticles.com/?Giving-the-Gift-of-Love&id=1678771

Declutter Your Life!

I'll admit it. Clutter is my nemesis. I always start out with good intentions, and I can even do a thorough job of cleaning up my environment when I must. All too soon, however, I find myself drowning in a sea of "stuff" or working my way through the thousands of emails that cross my path. Envious of others who are not so organizationally challenged, I resolve to be just like them; but that's easier said than done.

So what gets in my way? Well, I'm usually multi-tasking and often do things at hyper-speed, so it's easy to fail to pay attention to the things I'm doing from moment to moment. I also tend to become overfocused on the task at hand and don't want to start something unless I can finish it.

Through the years, I've found certain techniques that work better than others when facing my "clutter" demons. You might find these helpful as well.

1. Choose one type of clutter per month to focus on. If you decide to tackle the drawers in your home and/or office, intend to organize one drawer per day while leaving weekends free. By the end of the month, you will have streamlined 20 of them without feeling a bit overwhelmed.
2. Commit to throwing out five pieces of paper per day. This can include envelopes, receipts, kleenex, etc.
3. Pay attention to what you are doing - while you are doing it. This is key!
4. Deal with your emails as you read them - file them, forward them, respond to them, or delete them.
5. Vow to use up all your shampoo/shower gel/soap, etc. before buying more. This is one I need to follow since, left to my own devices, I tend to have a number of partially-used bottles filling up my bathroom cabinets.
6. Once a week set a timer for fifteen minutes, play your favorite music, and pick up as much clutter as you can during this time period. When the timer goes off, stop and give yourself some much needed relaxation!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Amazingly Fabulous Life - Create One for You and Your Family!

"LEARN HOW TO LOVE EVERY MOMENT

OF YOUR AMAZINGLY FABULOUS LIFE!"

"DON'T PRESS THE PAUSE BUTTON ON YOUR LIFE FOR ONE MORE SECOND!

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!"

If you'd like to ELIMINATE THE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE THAT ARE DRAINING YOU OF ENERGY AND PASSION, DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE and CREATE A DREAM-COME-TRUE LIFE FOR YOURSELF AND THOSE YOU LOVE!, then this might be the most important information you'll ever read. Here's why:

THE DREAM COACHING PROCESS USED AT PERSONAL TRANSFORMATIONS WAS DESIGNED BY MARCIA WEIDER, AMERICA'S DREAM COACH®! FEATURED ON THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW, MARCIA HAS MADE IT HER LIFE'S WORK TO AWAKEN THE AMAZING DREAMER INSIDE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US! IF FOLLOWED WITH DILIGENCE AND COMMITMENT, IT CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE!

Now, I know you're probably skeptical. That's normal and healthy.

Three Reasons To Believe What I Say. . .

Reason one: As a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and a Certified Dream Coach®, I have supported people just like you in achieving their dreams and goals for the past 17 years.

Reason two: Marcia's program is clear and easy to follow, divided into ten well-defined steps, and incredibly successful in assisting you in getting clear about your dreams, eliminating the stumbling blocks to achieving them, creating new beliefs, and taking action steps toward an incredible future.

Reason three: As your Certified Dream Coach®, I will support you every step of the way as you create the life you were destined to live. I believe in YOUR DREAMS!

Here is a summary of the benefits you'll receive from working with me:

1) A Dedicated Coach Who Will Be A Champion for Your Dreams!
*****You will get the support and accountability you need to make things happen!

2) A Successful Ten Step Program to Guide You!
*****You can work at a comfortable pace, always knowing you are headed in your desired direction.

3) Suggestions for Great Reading to Jumpstart Your Transformation!
*****You'll benefit from some of the best minds in the personal growth field.

4) A website, two blogs, and free newsletters to help motivate you.
*****When you need a little nudge, the supportive tools will help get you going!

5) Transformation Groups
*****You can join a group geared toward your particular interest and learn from your coach and other group members.

Now, you're probably wondering how and why we can do all those things.

Let me explain.

You can work with a coach in person or over the phone, individually or in a group. During your sessions, you'll learn to set clear intentions, develop the ability to know, without a doubt, that you can count on yourself, understand your purpose, design a dream that matters to you, make peace with your doubter, create strong beliefs that empower you, design strategies to move your dream forward, take action steps toward your dream, surround yourself with a "dream team," and live your life as a visionary. Check out some of the pages on my website, Personal Transformations, for more detailed information on the Dream Coaching Process and the Transformation Groups!

You can't lose with my 100%,
iron-clad, money-back guarantee!

If you aren't absolutely thrilled with your progress after working through the ten-step "Making Your Dreams Come True®" program with your Certified Dream Coach® or as a member of one of our Transformation Groups, I'll refund 100% of your money!

Don't let your dreams slip away.

A year from now, how do you want to be living your life?

Call (708) 717-5327 and get started on the adventure of a lifetime!

Holly's Picks - Great Shopping Ideas!

Are you looking for great products at affordable prices? Do you want to get your holiday shopping done without ever leaving your home? Check out these great offers!

Shop Cult Favorites at Beauty.com!

Bliss Online-Only Blowout Sale: Up to 50% off while supplies last.

Favor Affair - Party Favors For Every Occasion

Build Your Own Gift Basket Today & Get 10% off any order! Code: save10

Save up to 85% on brand name bed, bath & decor. Shop now!

Time for Me - Dedicated to the Art of Well Being

Save 20% on Inspirational Books All Day, Every Day!

Protect your iPod with Style, Not Bulk. Artist Designed iPod Skins by GelaSkins.

Get amazing deals on the latest celebrity inspired and original designs at Emitations.com. FREE Shipping on all orders over $75.00

Gourmet Meals Delivered - GourmetStation.com

Moms - We Need to Schedule Appointments with Ourselves!

When the demands on our time seem relentless and eternal, and we feel like the life we are living is not our own, it becomes increasingly difficult to put our needs anywhere near the top of our "to do" lists. We are too busy taking care of everyone else, while we barely find time to eat meals sitting down or head to the bathroom when nature calls. As time passes, we begin to wonder, "Whose life is this anyway?"

As women, many of us are notorious for taking care of others at our own expense.  Eventually, though, we start feeling resentful, unappreciated, and used up. When concerned friends and relatives tell us we need to make time for ourselves, we quickly respond with "I DON'T HAVE THE TIME!" Of course, we are right. The empty time slots in our calendars fill up rapidly, often weeks in advance. So what can exhausted women do?  The answer is simple. We must first decide that OUR NEEDS MATTER!  We also need to recognize that we are not doing a service to our children when we teach them that everyone else's needs are more important than our own.  What does that say to them about their own roles as males and females growing into adults?  How does that teach them to be considerate of the needs of others? 

We can schedule appointments with ourselves in our calendar that we honor as much as we do all the other demands on our time. What might we do during our scheduled appointments? Try the following and/or come up with some of your own ideas. The possibilities are endless.

*take a nap
*meditate
*go for a walk
*play with a puppy/kitten
*turn on the radio and sing or dance
*exercise
*get a manicure or pedicure
*go shopping
*swim
*read a book
*journal
*draw
*play a game
*get a makeover
*write a letter
*talk to a friend
*daydream
*take a bubble bath
*go wine tasting

Copyright © 2016 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®, 

Rosemond Certified Leadership Parenting Coach

I'm Going to be a Grandma!

I can't even begin to describe the joy I feel at the thought of one of my "babies" having a baby! Ryan and Heather recently surprised our family with the great news. Heather is due on April 20th, and I'm counting the days. I can close my eyes and picture Ryan in his "Diaper Dolphin" class with his childhood friend, Sarah. Ironically, he and Heather just stood up in Sarah's wedding this past weekend. It's just another reminder of how quicky time passes and the importance of savoring each and every wonderful moment.

Congratulations Ryan and Heather! You'll be absolutely amazing parents!

The Secret to Raising Readers by Emma Walton Hamilton

For the last fifty years, reading has suffered a precipitous decline. Blame has been widely assigned to electronic entertainment, but there is perhaps a subtler, more subversive force undermining the reading landscape: the association of reading with "chore".

Ideally, our earliest reading experiences are warm and fuzzy. We snuggle up with loved ones while listening to enchanted tales... Reading = JOY. Then, we go to school. Little by little, our parents stop reading to us, feeling it more important to promote our independent reading skills. Perhaps it's the struggle to learn to read, perhaps it's the hours spent reading dry material designed to educate rather than inspire, perhaps it's simply the responsibility of having to read - whatever the case, those early underlying connections between reading and pleasure now begin to be replaced by feelings of pressure, responsibility, frustration, even boredom.

To build, restore or maintain a love of reading, we must continually reinforce the subliminal association between books and pleasure. We must look for ways to ignite - and then preserve - an internal fire, one that makes kids want to read rather than feeling obliged to do so.

But how to begin, when electronic entertainment provides such seductive, addictive competition? The answer lies in making active choices to support the JOY of reading on a daily basis.

Here are just a few ways:

- Surround kids with, and expose them to, great books. Keep them everywhere - in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, even in the car.

- Cuddle up and read aloud together as early and as often as possible - and continue to do so, even as kids get older.

- Provide a warm and inviting reading atmosphere, minimizing distractions like background noise or harsh lighting.

- Make regular trips to the library or bookstore to explore the tactile, sensual pleasures that books provide.

- Give books as gifts and encourage others to do the same.

- Provide books that cater to individual passions - be it baseball or ballet, trucks or horses, great fiction and non-fiction abounds in all categories.

- Don't force completion of a book that isn't resonating - there are too many great books out there that will. Help kids find the ones that speak to them.

- Don't use book as weapons ("If you don't ___ , then no reading tonight.")

- Allow your child's personality and learning style to influence reading choices. Aural learners may like audio books, visual ones may appreciate graphic novels. Comic books, magazines, how-to books - it's all reading, and if it's done with genuine interest and passion, its all good.

- Take note of what your child does respond to with respect to reading material, and endeavor to provide more of the same - whether it's books by the same author, in the same genre or about a similar subject. Ask your local librarian or bookseller for guidance.

- Look for ways to make practical connections with books. Cook recipes, listen to music, see a film or play, explore art, make crafts etc. inspired by books and stories.

In the words of author/educator Daniel Pennac, "A child has no great wish to perfect himself in the use of an instrument of torture, but make it a means to his pleasure, and soon you will not be able to keep him from it!"

Emma Walton Hamilton is a best-selling children's book author, editor and arts educator. Her latest book is "Raising Bookworms: Getting Kids Reading for Pleasure and Empowerment." http://www.raisingbookworms.com

Role Models for Life!

Our children are great observers.  They listen to what we say, and then they closely watch what we do.  If our words and behaviors are out of sync, our behaviors will speak much more loudly than our lectures.  Because we are human, all too often we make the very mistakes we want to prevent our children from making.  

We tell them not to smoke as we keep puffing on our own cigarettes.  We talk about the dangers of driving under the influence, as we go to weddings, parties, etc. and feel "fine" enough to drive home.  We remind them of the importance of self respect as we struggle with setting appropriate boundaries with others.  Even some of the wonderful things we do can set dangerous precedents.  For instance, if we continually go out of our way to take care of our children, we send them the message that others are there to serve them.  If we allow a spouse or family member to speak disrespectfully to us, we give them subtle lessons about whose needs are more important in relationships. 

 We teach lessons on gender, influence, power, autonomy, respect, and values to our children on a daily basis without even knowing it.  Examining our behaviors from this viewpoint will give us a sneak peak into the lessons our children are learning from us, regardless of the ones we verbalize.  Maybe it's time to ask ourselves these questions?

1.  What would somebody observing my daily behavior think I valued in life?

2.  Are my values congruent with my actions?

3.  What lessons am I teaching my children about gender roles?

4.   What ideas are my children picking up from me regarding self respect?

5.  What example am I setting regarding conflict resolution?

6.  Are my children learning how to handle anger from observing my behavior when angry?

7.  Do I put myself down in front of my children?  If so, what does this teach them?

8.  Do I always sacrifice my own needs for others?  What message does this send?

9.  What behaviors would I like to change?

Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C.

Encourage Children to Dream Big Dreams!

When our children are very young, they believe in a world of endless possibilities! All too quickly, they "grow up" and learn to settle for things that are more realistic and practical. Those with active imaginations often hear some variation of the following. "Get your head out of the clouds." "Stop being such a dreamer." "That won't make you any money." "Get real."

Of course, reality is important. It grounds us and keeps us focused. Our dreams for ourselves, however, push us to transcend our present limitations as we try on all sorts of thoughts, ideas, and passions. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the permission and encouragement to dream big dreams. They'll have plenty of time to face the limitations imposed by "reality." They will not always achieve everything they aspire to; but by setting the possibility bar high, they might get much closer than we could ever imagine.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Ivy League or Bust!

In the past few years, I have seen many students and parents become frustrated and disappointed because of a rejection from an Ivy League School. From their standpoint, the student's academic, athletic, and extracurricular abilities should have put them in the running for acceptance. For awhile, I too was aggravated with these premiere universities. I couldn't see why they didn't accept many of these top-notch students.

Then I had the opportunity to attend a counselors' weekend at a highly selective university. I was able to sit in on a mock admissions committee, and I saw first-hand the difficult decisions these college counselors were faced with on a daily basis. We were asked to examine three applicants (whose identifying information had been covered up) and pick one of them for admission. We could decide to wait-list or deny the other two. I had no idea this would be so difficult. Each applicant was absolutely amazing. They had straight A's in exceptionally challenging course work. All three of them were not only involved in activities on paper,they put their hearts and souls into everything they did. They all were talented athletes. One had started his own business. Another volunteered in other countries during the summer. The third one wrote and performed his own music. Their essays were all creative and intriguing, and their letters of recommendation really made them come alive on paper. It was obvious that all three of them loved learning, enjoyed immersing themselves in reading and writing, and had excellent communication skills. In my "committee" we had trouble agreeing on which student should be picked. Our reasons varied, and it was extremely frustrating. Eventually we chose one, and wait-listed the other two. It turned out that our decision matched the university's. Another committee might have just as easily picked one of the other applicants.

If your child's dream is to attend an Ivy League University, ask yourself these questions?

Does my child do well on his own, or do I constantly have to push him/her?

Does he/she go above and beyond the call of duty on a regular basis?

Is he/she willing to spend a significant amount of his time on educational activities?

Does my child stand out head and shoulders above the crowd in some way?

Does he/she demonstrate leadership and a desire to help others?

Will his/her written communication skills compare well to other equally gifted applicants?

Is my son/daughter truly interested in learning?

How does my son/daughter handle challenges?

Ten Tips for Raising Responsible Children!

In this day and age, parenting is not always an easy task. We want so many things for our children, and we don't want them to have to learn the hard way. Too often, we focus on their happiess at the expense of instilling a sense of responsibility in them. Happy adults usually feel capable of solving their own problems, take responsibility for their actions and choices, and contribute something to the world they live in.

So how do we raise children who will be prepared to handle the challenges facing them in adulthood? Consider these ten tips for raising responsible children.

1. Say "no" to their requests several times a week.


2. Let them solve their own problems as much as possible.


3. Don't rush to rescue them from disappointments and heartache. Instead, support their coping skills.


4. Let them know they are needed in the family by giving them meaningful chores.


5. Take them to volunteer with you.


6. Expect courtesy at all times.


7. Don't let them see you as their personal slave.


8. Allow them opportunities to demonstrate that they are capable by letting them do things for themselves.


9. Realize that if you expect them to be truthful, you have to be able to "hear" the truth without erupting.


10. Teach them that mistakes are a part of life. Help your children see them as learning opportunities.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Someday Your Children Will Be Adults!

Tim and I and my 90-year-old mother just got back from visiting our son, Sean, in Kentucky. He is going into his last year at Butler University, majoring in Actuarial Science. This summer he has an internship with Aegon Insurance, and it has been a wonderful experience for him. We wanted to see him in Kentucky one more time before he heads back to school. Meghan, our daughter, and her boyfriend Frank came with as well. Sean recently passed his first actuary exam, and Meg passed her first set of medical boards. As we laughed and celebrated their successes, I couldn't help but remember the many times over the years that we watched them struggle, grow, succeed, and start the process over and over again. At times, I cried with them over disappointments, heartache, and challenges. Then the sun would come out, and my heart would swell with joy as things turned around for them.

The same holds true for my oldest son, Ryan, and his wife, Heather, who could not be with us for this trip. Ryan is doing a great job as a process scientist in a pharmaceutical company and being trained in Six Sigma, while Heather is a talented artist and teacher who brings warmth and sensitivity to her work. She just completed her master's degree as a reading specialist. They were celebrating their third anniversary while we were in Kentucky.

It is an amazing experience to relate to your children as adults. It puts so many things in perspective, and it also is bittersweet. While I miss their daily presence in my life as children, the rewards of enjoying their adulthood never cease. I look forward to celebrating many more occasions with them as the future unfolds.

The Importance of Self-Care!

Self-Care For Parents
By Mia Redrick

The demands of family life are exhausting. Carpooling, school activities, and birthday parties are just some of the many things we support in our children's lives. As parents, it is easy to become so inundated taking care of our children that we forget to nurture ourselves. This month, let's make a commitment to nurture Mom and Dad. Our children are counting on us to set the right examples for them to follow. Let's teach them the value of self-care. By doing so, we illustrate to our children the importance of loving ourselves.

When we take time to care for ourselves, we feel empowered and are better able to accomplish more in our lives. Caring for ourselves permits us to love everyone around us better. As a result, we become more giving, grateful, and happy. By establishing quality adult time, we can connect and reflect on who we really are and what we really want. When was the last time you considered what was best for you? When was the last time you relaxed in your favorite chair and enjoyed a cup of coffee? How many minutes each day do you get to connect with your spouse? Making the commitment to improve the quality of each day is a decision. Take small steps to enhance your life.

Over the course of this year I am going to share with you some specific strategies on caring for Mom and Dad. As the mother of three children between one and eight years old, I know first-hand the challenges that parents face. My husband and I make time every month to consistently nurture ourselves and our relationship. I believe that the best parents are ones that place their self-care as a priority. The benefits to our children are immediate when we take better care of ourselves. By sowing self-care into our lives we reap the benefits of reduced personal stress, anxiety and frustration. This month, follow my five strategies for Renewing the Self:

Rest
Find time to be still every day. Take the time to stop the roller coaster of life and slow down. When we are rested, we make better decisions.

Read
Renew your mind. Fall in love with reading again. In my home, we Drop Everything And Read (D.E.A.R). Set clear expectations with your children that everyone is going to read individually for 15 minutes, thereby limiting interruptions. No excuses. Reading allows us to escape the pressures of the day and allows us to expand our minds.

Rejuvenate
Rejuvenate your spirit. Take some time each day to connect with your higher power. Pray, reflect and meditate to connect with your spirit and allow peace to work in your life.

Readjust
Readjust your priorities. Is your family too busy? This is a great question to ask. Is your family racing from Monday morning to Sunday evening? Limit your children's activities. Be realistic about each commitment.

Reward
Reward yourself. Go on a date with yourself, your spouse or a friend. Take some time away from the children and enjoy some grown-up time. When you return you will feel like a new person.

Making the decision to care for yourself is a choice. This month, choose to make self-care a priority. Remember that self-care is not negotiable, but necessary in order to be the best parent possible.

Live Fully,
Mia

Challenge! - Making the decision to care for yourself is a choice. This month, choose to make self-care a priority. Remember that self-care is not negotiable, but necessary in order to be the best parent possible. And to get you started creating your own list of goals, I would like to invite you to claim your free access to my E-book "Eliminating Mommy Burn-Out". Get free access at http://www.helpformomsreport.com

From Mia Redrick- Author, Time for mom-Me:5 Essential Strategies for A Mother's Self-Care and Finding Definitions, the premier self-care community for mothers http://www.findingdefinitions.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mia_Redrick
http://EzineArticles.com/?Self-Care-For-Parents&id=1317166

Don't Lose Sight of the Big Picture!

Many times, while my children were growing up, I found myself getting upset, angry, and frustrated with one thing or another. Instead of enjoying the relationship to the fullest, I often worried about grades, messy rooms, unusual hair styles, boyfriends, girlfriends, the future, the past, etc. Today, I can't even remember the reasons for many of our arguments and disagreement, and most of the things I worried about never happened.

In the midst of life's minor annoyances, it's easy to lose sight of what really matters. We can all too easily miss the forest for the trees. When you find your relationship with your children becoming strained over things that won't matter a few months from now, take a step back and ask yourself these questions?

• Is this worth putting a strain on our relationship?
• Will I even care about this in a few weeks?
• What am I really upset about?
• How can I handle this in a way that keeps the relationship in tact?
• How would I have liked my own parents to have dealt with this issue?
• What is the lesson I want to teach my son/daughter about handling conflicts?

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Life is Not Fair!

When my children were little, one of the worst things they could say to me at the time (or so I thought) was that I was not being fair. Oh, how I dreaded those words. However, it didn't really matter what I did or did not do. If it wasn't to their liking, I was guilty of the dreaded unfairness crime. I've changed my mind about the whole concept of fairness since then.

Sure, in an ideal world, it would be wonderful if everyone received "fair" treatment. However, in the real world, unfairness runs rampant. Good friends of mine lost three of their four daughters to Cystic Fibrosis. Another very dear friend was just diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer and now has to undergo aggressive chemotherapy treatment. The news is filled with evidence of bad things happening to good people. They lose their jobs, their spouses, their homes, their loved ones, and more, and none of it is fair.

Sweeping unfairness from the paths of our children all of the time does them an injustice. It deprives them of the opportunity to learn to handle small disappointments, and it can create a sense of entitlement. Of course, I am not recommending sitting back and doing nothing about serious issues. However, allowing them to handle the regular disappointments of childhood and adolescence builds their resilience. When life eventually hits them with greater setbacks, they will be prepared to face them head on!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Regroup, Energize, Entertain, and Pamper Yourself!

As a parent, you need to take time out to regroup, energize, entertain, and pamper yourself. Take advantage of the slower summertime pace, and relax with a great book. Try these for starters.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Parenting Secrets Revealed - Is Kindergarten The New College Prep?

By Dawn Walker

I live in a suburban, upper-middle class neighborhood in Southern California. The community is made up of high one-income families, full-time dual income families and lots of stay-at-home moms with "side income". It is hard not to generalize but I am sure most adults in the area are college educated, many with graduate degrees, as you can see by the number of UCLA and USC license plates frames on SUVs. I am not sure what class I missed in college, but it seems many parents had some training in "Your Kids Have To Take AP courses And Other College Equivalents As Early As Possible To Succeed In Life." And my question is simply "Is Kindergarten The New College Prep?"

A few months ago I learned that my high-schooler was no longer striving for a 4.0 grade point average. She is competing against what seems like the majority of students in her school who are taking Advanced Placement (AP) courses that earn them a 5.0, or an extra grade unit towards college. In order to get into the University of California system or other highly competitive universities, a 4.0 is not good enough. Not only are these kids earning that 5.0 grade point average, but there are many classes they can take that will qualify towards their lower division requirements for college so that when they enter college, they already have units. And to make this even worse, there are some high schools in the area that actually graduate high school students with an Associates Degree, passing the first two years of college in high school.

So if high school students are taking their first two years of college in high school, will junior high students be taking high school classes in junior high? If this is the case, then elementary students will be taking the junior high curriculum during first through sixth grade, leaving my incoming Kindergartener to start calculus and chemistry in Kindergarten. I guess my sister-in-law, pregnant with my nephew due in May should start registering for college prep-Kindergarten classes now before the "list" gets too long.

On Boston Legal recently, a case was presented to the court regarding a high school student who had fallen asleep at the wheel of her car and died out of exhaustion from a mixture of too many Advanced Placement courses and extra-curricular activities. As if this fictional television program always seems to mirror real life, it is unfortunate that possibly somewhere in this country, this actually happened. Or maybe in some writers head, they see this as a possible direction that their child or their friends' child is heading. Perhaps this could actually happen to a family I know? I shudder at the thought.

My approach to parenting and the education of my children is vastly different than most moms I know. In fact, at a breakfast date this morning with several moms I've known since our children were small, I mentioned that a local high school was changing its' focus and encouraging its' students to have fun, explore options and possibly strive for a Junior College before heading for a University. One of the moms piped in and told the group that the high school I was referring to was actually a school for athletes, implying that our high school must have all the "serious" students.

I am not happy that my 3rd grader gets frustrated with assignments because she is being pushed so hard to practice the different genres of writing. My wish for her and my other children is that they have positive educational experiences rich with learning, studying, exploring, and understanding where they feel prepared not just for college but to live an independent life where they know not only about history, English and mathematics, but how to balance a checkbook and prepare simple nutritious meals. My tenth grader was offered a schedule this past semester that included too many difficult courses. My husband contacted the school to find out if this schedule could be changed. After speaking with her counselor, we realized that they put all the kids on the University requirement path unless otherwise specified. They do not mention to the average student that they have the opportunity to take, should they pass on the honor and A.P. tract, or finish their High School requirements early, say cooking or tech. In fact, they do not offer tech class, the class the kids learn keyboarding, introductory computer programming and even Photoshop, to students unless they are struggling in other classes. So many kids are ready for University but are not exposed to cooking or typing, the two things they are REALLY going to need to survive in college. Perhaps cooking and tech should be offered as A.P. courses so that those 5.0 students see that these classes are even available.

Why do we need college graduates who are not even allowed to vote? Are these kids mature enough to handle making tough decisions about finance and interpersonal relationships at twenty years of age? When do they get to have fun, rebel a little and learn about what interests them when they are barely out of puberty? I am not sure what the answer is. Perhaps we need to help the schools to realize that the test scores and the statistics about how many graduates go straight to Harvard are not all that matters. Maybe we need to follow up on these kids through college and into their 30's and 40's to find out if pushing them so hard during their childhood really produces more successful and happy adults.

Dawn Walker of http://www.chefdawn.com

Your Personal E-Chef Live: Everything about Cooking, Food, and Family. Bring back dinner parties!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dawn_Walker
http://EzineArticles.com/?Parenting-Secrets-Revealed---Is-Kindergarten-The-New-College-Prep?&id=1037617

Embrace Failure!

In our society, failure is unacceptable. We avoid it at all cost, and we do everything possible to protect our children from its dire consequences. As a result, we deprive them of experiencing the benefits inherent in a willingness to fail.

When we are afraid to fail, we close ourselves off from possibilities. We avoid taking risks. We would rather do nothing than take the chance of being wrong. We can see this in the athlete who hesitates to go for the basket because he/she might miss, in the student who sits silently in class afraid to give the incorrect answer, or in the individual who gives up on his/her dream because it might not be successful.

One of the greatest gifts we can give our chilren is permission to see failure as merely an opportunity to adjust course and try something new.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Developing Resilience in Our Children!

One of the most useful qualities an adult can possess is the ability to bounce back in the face of disappointment and adversity. History is filled with successful people who kept trying against great odds and numerous disappointments. They refused to let life's "failures" define them. How did they develop this ability? It's highly likely that they grew up knowing they had to face the consequences of their own choices and actions. They did not expect someone to run to their rescue every time they faced injustice, disappointment, or hardship. They were taught that "life is not always fair." Since they did not grow up sheltered from the storms of life, they were well prepared to face them.

Today, we parents do not want our children to suffer in any way if we can prevent it. We are quick to solve their problems, run to their rescue, and place ourselves between them and the unfairness of life. We do it with the best of intentions. We don't want them to have to learn the hard way, and we desperately want them to be treated in a just and fair manner at all times. If we had the power to adjust the whole world according to our wishes, there would be no problem with this. We could shelter our children, knowing that the world would do so as well. Unfortunately, that is not the case. We have only to turn on the news or read the paper to see that unfairness reigns in abundance. Depriving our children of opportunities to develop resilience does not serve them well in the long run.

How do we develop resilience in our children? We can

• allow them to experience disappointment.
• refrain from solving their problems.
• realize that growth takes place during times of struggle.
• have faith in their coping skills.
• put things into perspective.
• ask them how they want to deal with their problems.
• support and encourage them when they bounce back from disappointment.
• stop being more worried about their happiness than they are.
• acknowledge our own disappointments.
• see failure as nothing more than feedback.
• resist letting them know we feel sorry for them, so we do not encourage victimization.
• set clear boundaries.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Encourage Resourcefulness!

Resourceful individuals use a combination of intellect, creativity, imagination, hard work, and determination to solve problems and arrive at solutions. They do not wait for someone else to provide the answers. They are willing to make mistakes and adjust their actions accordingly. Driven by curiosity, they demonstrate persistence as they work to accomplish their goals. Some of the world's greatest contributions in the arts, humanities, sciences, and other fields have come from these dynamic innovators.

To encourage a sense of resourcefulness in our children, we need to:

• allow them time to figure things out before jumping in to rescue.
• refuse to give answers to things they could find out for themselves.
• help them see mistakes as feedback, rather than failure.
• give them opportunities to be creative.
• provide time for imagination and dreaming.
• model resourcefulness as adults.
• let go of a perfectionistic mindset.
• limit time on the computer, television, and other electronic entertainment systems.
• refuse to let them use "boredom" as an excuse for lack of performance.
• invite them to figure out a way to get the help they need when necessary.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Transformational Parenting Starts With You!

Transformational parenting starts with you, but not in the way you might think. It does not involve second-guessing your child's every need, martyring yourself at the altar of his/her wishes, always saying the right thing, or never making mistakes. It starts with taking care of yourself by making yourself a priority in your own life! Why is this crucial? By making it clear that your needs do matter, you . . .

1. have more energy and enthusiasm for the important tasks involved in parenting.


2. teach your child that he/she is not the center of the universe.


3. prepare him/her for the real world.


4. model self-respect to your son/daughter.


5. raise a child who does not have a sense of entitlement.


6. increase your child's frustration toleration.


7. develop your child's ability to delay gratification.


8. encourage resourcefulness.

So stop thinking you are being selfish when you want some "me" time! Go ahead and indulge yourself - for the sake of your child!

Visit Pampering Indulgences for some great ways to take a "time out" for yourself.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Creating the Illusion of Success . . . Why Being Too Responsible for the Actions of Our Children is Not a Good Idea!

When we take too much responsibility for the accomplishments of our children, we find ourselves doing more than we should in order to maintain the illusion of success. It becomes all too easy to forget that we are not the ones getting the education, writing the paper, preparing for the test, or completing the project. We want our children to earn good grades, get into a good high school, advance to a great college, achieve unbelievable success, and live happily ever after. In the process, we also want to protect them from hardships, disappointments, and failures.

Why is this a problem? When we care more than our children do about their responsibilities, we do too much, and they do too little. On the surface, everything looks like it is going well. We might even be able to ensure that they get accepted into the college of their dreams; however, we can't go there with them. That's when the illusion gets shattered.

Those of us who take our responsibilities very seriously can do this quite well. We make sure our children turn in homework with no mistakes. We agonize over their grades. We stay up until all hours of the night working on a project that was assigned weeks ago. We run to the store at the last minute searching for supplies for a project that is due the next day. We might even fill out their college applications for them. Sure, we yell at our children and ask them why they refuse to take responsibility for themselves. We bemoan the fact that we have so much "homework" to do and dream of the time when they will graduate so we can finally take a break.

Why aren't our children more responsibile? The fact is that they don't have to be. Here are some of the reasons:

• Our society has become so focused on success and achievement that we feel judged as parents when our children do not constantly shine.
• We are afraid to let them directly experience the consequences of being unprepared or wrong.
• We have lost sight of the lessons inherent in making mistakes.
• Our children know someone is always willing to trail behind them and pick up the pieces.
• We over-emphasize the importance of having the right answer, the perfect paper, the most creative project.
• Learning takes a second place to getting a good grade.
• Self-evaluation for our children becomes secondary to worrying about our reactions.
• They have grown up in an instant gratification society.
• We don't like to see our loved ones struggle, despite the fact that it is in the very act of struggling that growth takes place.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Great Expectations Are Not So Great!

Ryan, my first-born son, started reading when he was three. At four, he attended a Montessori School and before long he was pasting continents on a map and naming all of them. My husband and I were so very proud of him, and we often asked him to demonstrate his talents in front of interested (and not-so-interested) friends and relatives. Amazed and overjoyed that our son could name all of the continents, we failed to pause and realize that at that age he didn't really understand the concept of a neighborhood, town, city, or country, let alone a continent. So while his ability to dazzle us with his intelligence had great entertainment value, it really was little more than a parlor trick.

We like to brag about my daughter's dog, Jolie, and demonstrate her talents to others as well. When asked "How does a bad girl make her money?" she rolls over on her back with little understanding of what we are really talking about. It gets a lot of laughs, though.

In contrast to Jolie, our son Ryan is a very intelligent individual and has many other phenomenal abilities and talents that represent higher level thinking skills. However, there were many times in his life that his intelligence felt like an albatross around his neck. In order to maintain the good opinion and high expectations of others, Ryan always felt like he had to perpetually perform at a superior level. When he didn't, he heard the often repeated refrain, "You could do better if you wanted to." After all, we envisioned our little three-year old as the next Doogie Howser, M.D. and felt it was our job to keep him on the "success" track.

I guess you could say we lost sight of the fact that it was our dream for him, not necessarily his own dream for himself - and therein lies the problem. When we have very high expectations for our children, they start believing they have to continually achieve them in order to make us happy. If they feel this is an impossible task, they can either suffer from anxiety-driven perfectionism or give up entirely and head in the opposite direction. For awhile, Ryan's main goal was to keep us off his back. His first response to less-than-perfect grades, like many of the underachieving students I've met, was "I'm in deep trouble now." His grades had no personal meaning for him. They were only a means to an end. His main concern was our reaction to them.

Were we terrible parents? No, I don't believe we were. We just wanted our son to have the sun, the moon, and the stars - even if he did not necessarily want those things for himself. Hoping to encourage Ryan in developing his wonderful gifts and talents, we sent a message we did not intend to send. After many ups and downs along the way, we were eventually able to set our own expectations aside and give him the gift of true acceptance. Interestingly enough, that is when he set his own standards for himself and achieved them beyond his and our wildest dreams.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

What Do We Really Want For Our Children?

From the moment our children enter the world, they own our hearts. Actually, that's not quite true. For most of us, it happens as soon as we find out we've conceived a child. The planning begins, and we're off and running. We start dreaming of the way things will be. As the miracle of life becomes more and more evident, we get lost in the blissful glow of looking for baby furniture, decorating the baby's room, registering at Baby's R Us, nudging our tummies to feel movement within, and anxiously waiting for the BIG EVENT!

Unfortunately, it doesn't stop there. As soon as our little angels enter the world, we begin having huge hopes and aspirations for their futures. "My son is going to be a doctor." "My daughter is destined for greatness." "Look at how smart he is. I know he must be a prodigy." "She's so adorable. I know all the teachers will love her when she gets to school."

So what's wrong with this picture? Without our realizing it, these expectations can lead to quite a few negative results. We'll examine them more closely in later posts, but I'll list a few briefly now.

• Our children start believing they have to live up to our expectations in order to keep us happy.
• We start taking way too much responsibility for their academic, social, and/or athletic success.
• True learning often takes second place to attaining the outward signs of accomplishment.
• In trying to rescue our children from falling on their faces, we often prevent the important lessons taught through hardships and challenges.
• Failure becomes a dirty word, instead of just a sign that we need to change course a bit.
• When we play an overly responsible role in our children's lives, they begin to doubt themselves and their own coping abilities.
• Our relationships become conflicted when our own egos start battling with theirs.
• There is a greater emphasis on competition, rather than on collaboration.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®