Ivy League or Bust!

In the past few years, I have seen many students and parents become frustrated and disappointed because of a rejection from an Ivy League School. From their standpoint, the student's academic, athletic, and extracurricular abilities should have put them in the running for acceptance. For awhile, I too was aggravated with these premiere universities. I couldn't see why they didn't accept many of these top-notch students.

Then I had the opportunity to attend a counselors' weekend at a highly selective university. I was able to sit in on a mock admissions committee, and I saw first-hand the difficult decisions these college counselors were faced with on a daily basis. We were asked to examine three applicants (whose identifying information had been covered up) and pick one of them for admission. We could decide to wait-list or deny the other two. I had no idea this would be so difficult. Each applicant was absolutely amazing. They had straight A's in exceptionally challenging course work. All three of them were not only involved in activities on paper,they put their hearts and souls into everything they did. They all were talented athletes. One had started his own business. Another volunteered in other countries during the summer. The third one wrote and performed his own music. Their essays were all creative and intriguing, and their letters of recommendation really made them come alive on paper. It was obvious that all three of them loved learning, enjoyed immersing themselves in reading and writing, and had excellent communication skills. In my "committee" we had trouble agreeing on which student should be picked. Our reasons varied, and it was extremely frustrating. Eventually we chose one, and wait-listed the other two. It turned out that our decision matched the university's. Another committee might have just as easily picked one of the other applicants.

If your child's dream is to attend an Ivy League University, ask yourself these questions?

Does my child do well on his own, or do I constantly have to push him/her?

Does he/she go above and beyond the call of duty on a regular basis?

Is he/she willing to spend a significant amount of his time on educational activities?

Does my child stand out head and shoulders above the crowd in some way?

Does he/she demonstrate leadership and a desire to help others?

Will his/her written communication skills compare well to other equally gifted applicants?

Is my son/daughter truly interested in learning?

How does my son/daughter handle challenges?

Ten Tips for Raising Responsible Children!

In this day and age, parenting is not always an easy task. We want so many things for our children, and we don't want them to have to learn the hard way. Too often, we focus on their happiess at the expense of instilling a sense of responsibility in them. Happy adults usually feel capable of solving their own problems, take responsibility for their actions and choices, and contribute something to the world they live in.

So how do we raise children who will be prepared to handle the challenges facing them in adulthood? Consider these ten tips for raising responsible children.

1. Say "no" to their requests several times a week.


2. Let them solve their own problems as much as possible.


3. Don't rush to rescue them from disappointments and heartache. Instead, support their coping skills.


4. Let them know they are needed in the family by giving them meaningful chores.


5. Take them to volunteer with you.


6. Expect courtesy at all times.


7. Don't let them see you as their personal slave.


8. Allow them opportunities to demonstrate that they are capable by letting them do things for themselves.


9. Realize that if you expect them to be truthful, you have to be able to "hear" the truth without erupting.


10. Teach them that mistakes are a part of life. Help your children see them as learning opportunities.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Someday Your Children Will Be Adults!

Tim and I and my 90-year-old mother just got back from visiting our son, Sean, in Kentucky. He is going into his last year at Butler University, majoring in Actuarial Science. This summer he has an internship with Aegon Insurance, and it has been a wonderful experience for him. We wanted to see him in Kentucky one more time before he heads back to school. Meghan, our daughter, and her boyfriend Frank came with as well. Sean recently passed his first actuary exam, and Meg passed her first set of medical boards. As we laughed and celebrated their successes, I couldn't help but remember the many times over the years that we watched them struggle, grow, succeed, and start the process over and over again. At times, I cried with them over disappointments, heartache, and challenges. Then the sun would come out, and my heart would swell with joy as things turned around for them.

The same holds true for my oldest son, Ryan, and his wife, Heather, who could not be with us for this trip. Ryan is doing a great job as a process scientist in a pharmaceutical company and being trained in Six Sigma, while Heather is a talented artist and teacher who brings warmth and sensitivity to her work. She just completed her master's degree as a reading specialist. They were celebrating their third anniversary while we were in Kentucky.

It is an amazing experience to relate to your children as adults. It puts so many things in perspective, and it also is bittersweet. While I miss their daily presence in my life as children, the rewards of enjoying their adulthood never cease. I look forward to celebrating many more occasions with them as the future unfolds.