Role Models for Life!

Our children are great observers.  They listen to what we say, and then they closely watch what we do.  If our words and behaviors are out of sync, our behaviors will speak much more loudly than our lectures.  Because we are human, all too often we make the very mistakes we want to prevent our children from making.  

We tell them not to smoke as we keep puffing on our own cigarettes.  We talk about the dangers of driving under the influence, as we go to weddings, parties, etc. and feel "fine" enough to drive home.  We remind them of the importance of self respect as we struggle with setting appropriate boundaries with others.  Even some of the wonderful things we do can set dangerous precedents.  For instance, if we continually go out of our way to take care of our children, we send them the message that others are there to serve them.  If we allow a spouse or family member to speak disrespectfully to us, we give them subtle lessons about whose needs are more important in relationships. 

 We teach lessons on gender, influence, power, autonomy, respect, and values to our children on a daily basis without even knowing it.  Examining our behaviors from this viewpoint will give us a sneak peak into the lessons our children are learning from us, regardless of the ones we verbalize.  Maybe it's time to ask ourselves these questions?

1.  What would somebody observing my daily behavior think I valued in life?

2.  Are my values congruent with my actions?

3.  What lessons am I teaching my children about gender roles?

4.   What ideas are my children picking up from me regarding self respect?

5.  What example am I setting regarding conflict resolution?

6.  Are my children learning how to handle anger from observing my behavior when angry?

7.  Do I put myself down in front of my children?  If so, what does this teach them?

8.  Do I always sacrifice my own needs for others?  What message does this send?

9.  What behaviors would I like to change?

Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C.

Encourage Children to Dream Big Dreams!

When our children are very young, they believe in a world of endless possibilities! All too quickly, they "grow up" and learn to settle for things that are more realistic and practical. Those with active imaginations often hear some variation of the following. "Get your head out of the clouds." "Stop being such a dreamer." "That won't make you any money." "Get real."

Of course, reality is important. It grounds us and keeps us focused. Our dreams for ourselves, however, push us to transcend our present limitations as we try on all sorts of thoughts, ideas, and passions. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the permission and encouragement to dream big dreams. They'll have plenty of time to face the limitations imposed by "reality." They will not always achieve everything they aspire to; but by setting the possibility bar high, they might get much closer than we could ever imagine.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®