I'm Going to be a Grandma!

I can't even begin to describe the joy I feel at the thought of one of my "babies" having a baby! Ryan and Heather recently surprised our family with the great news. Heather is due on April 20th, and I'm counting the days. I can close my eyes and picture Ryan in his "Diaper Dolphin" class with his childhood friend, Sarah. Ironically, he and Heather just stood up in Sarah's wedding this past weekend. It's just another reminder of how quicky time passes and the importance of savoring each and every wonderful moment.

Congratulations Ryan and Heather! You'll be absolutely amazing parents!

The Secret to Raising Readers by Emma Walton Hamilton

For the last fifty years, reading has suffered a precipitous decline. Blame has been widely assigned to electronic entertainment, but there is perhaps a subtler, more subversive force undermining the reading landscape: the association of reading with "chore".

Ideally, our earliest reading experiences are warm and fuzzy. We snuggle up with loved ones while listening to enchanted tales... Reading = JOY. Then, we go to school. Little by little, our parents stop reading to us, feeling it more important to promote our independent reading skills. Perhaps it's the struggle to learn to read, perhaps it's the hours spent reading dry material designed to educate rather than inspire, perhaps it's simply the responsibility of having to read - whatever the case, those early underlying connections between reading and pleasure now begin to be replaced by feelings of pressure, responsibility, frustration, even boredom.

To build, restore or maintain a love of reading, we must continually reinforce the subliminal association between books and pleasure. We must look for ways to ignite - and then preserve - an internal fire, one that makes kids want to read rather than feeling obliged to do so.

But how to begin, when electronic entertainment provides such seductive, addictive competition? The answer lies in making active choices to support the JOY of reading on a daily basis.

Here are just a few ways:

- Surround kids with, and expose them to, great books. Keep them everywhere - in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, even in the car.

- Cuddle up and read aloud together as early and as often as possible - and continue to do so, even as kids get older.

- Provide a warm and inviting reading atmosphere, minimizing distractions like background noise or harsh lighting.

- Make regular trips to the library or bookstore to explore the tactile, sensual pleasures that books provide.

- Give books as gifts and encourage others to do the same.

- Provide books that cater to individual passions - be it baseball or ballet, trucks or horses, great fiction and non-fiction abounds in all categories.

- Don't force completion of a book that isn't resonating - there are too many great books out there that will. Help kids find the ones that speak to them.

- Don't use book as weapons ("If you don't ___ , then no reading tonight.")

- Allow your child's personality and learning style to influence reading choices. Aural learners may like audio books, visual ones may appreciate graphic novels. Comic books, magazines, how-to books - it's all reading, and if it's done with genuine interest and passion, its all good.

- Take note of what your child does respond to with respect to reading material, and endeavor to provide more of the same - whether it's books by the same author, in the same genre or about a similar subject. Ask your local librarian or bookseller for guidance.

- Look for ways to make practical connections with books. Cook recipes, listen to music, see a film or play, explore art, make crafts etc. inspired by books and stories.

In the words of author/educator Daniel Pennac, "A child has no great wish to perfect himself in the use of an instrument of torture, but make it a means to his pleasure, and soon you will not be able to keep him from it!"

Emma Walton Hamilton is a best-selling children's book author, editor and arts educator. Her latest book is "Raising Bookworms: Getting Kids Reading for Pleasure and Empowerment." http://www.raisingbookworms.com

Role Models for Life!

Our children are great observers.  They listen to what we say, and then they closely watch what we do.  If our words and behaviors are out of sync, our behaviors will speak much more loudly than our lectures.  Because we are human, all too often we make the very mistakes we want to prevent our children from making.  

We tell them not to smoke as we keep puffing on our own cigarettes.  We talk about the dangers of driving under the influence, as we go to weddings, parties, etc. and feel "fine" enough to drive home.  We remind them of the importance of self respect as we struggle with setting appropriate boundaries with others.  Even some of the wonderful things we do can set dangerous precedents.  For instance, if we continually go out of our way to take care of our children, we send them the message that others are there to serve them.  If we allow a spouse or family member to speak disrespectfully to us, we give them subtle lessons about whose needs are more important in relationships. 

 We teach lessons on gender, influence, power, autonomy, respect, and values to our children on a daily basis without even knowing it.  Examining our behaviors from this viewpoint will give us a sneak peak into the lessons our children are learning from us, regardless of the ones we verbalize.  Maybe it's time to ask ourselves these questions?

1.  What would somebody observing my daily behavior think I valued in life?

2.  Are my values congruent with my actions?

3.  What lessons am I teaching my children about gender roles?

4.   What ideas are my children picking up from me regarding self respect?

5.  What example am I setting regarding conflict resolution?

6.  Are my children learning how to handle anger from observing my behavior when angry?

7.  Do I put myself down in front of my children?  If so, what does this teach them?

8.  Do I always sacrifice my own needs for others?  What message does this send?

9.  What behaviors would I like to change?

Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C.

Encourage Children to Dream Big Dreams!

When our children are very young, they believe in a world of endless possibilities! All too quickly, they "grow up" and learn to settle for things that are more realistic and practical. Those with active imaginations often hear some variation of the following. "Get your head out of the clouds." "Stop being such a dreamer." "That won't make you any money." "Get real."

Of course, reality is important. It grounds us and keeps us focused. Our dreams for ourselves, however, push us to transcend our present limitations as we try on all sorts of thoughts, ideas, and passions. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the permission and encouragement to dream big dreams. They'll have plenty of time to face the limitations imposed by "reality." They will not always achieve everything they aspire to; but by setting the possibility bar high, they might get much closer than we could ever imagine.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Ivy League or Bust!

In the past few years, I have seen many students and parents become frustrated and disappointed because of a rejection from an Ivy League School. From their standpoint, the student's academic, athletic, and extracurricular abilities should have put them in the running for acceptance. For awhile, I too was aggravated with these premiere universities. I couldn't see why they didn't accept many of these top-notch students.

Then I had the opportunity to attend a counselors' weekend at a highly selective university. I was able to sit in on a mock admissions committee, and I saw first-hand the difficult decisions these college counselors were faced with on a daily basis. We were asked to examine three applicants (whose identifying information had been covered up) and pick one of them for admission. We could decide to wait-list or deny the other two. I had no idea this would be so difficult. Each applicant was absolutely amazing. They had straight A's in exceptionally challenging course work. All three of them were not only involved in activities on paper,they put their hearts and souls into everything they did. They all were talented athletes. One had started his own business. Another volunteered in other countries during the summer. The third one wrote and performed his own music. Their essays were all creative and intriguing, and their letters of recommendation really made them come alive on paper. It was obvious that all three of them loved learning, enjoyed immersing themselves in reading and writing, and had excellent communication skills. In my "committee" we had trouble agreeing on which student should be picked. Our reasons varied, and it was extremely frustrating. Eventually we chose one, and wait-listed the other two. It turned out that our decision matched the university's. Another committee might have just as easily picked one of the other applicants.

If your child's dream is to attend an Ivy League University, ask yourself these questions?

Does my child do well on his own, or do I constantly have to push him/her?

Does he/she go above and beyond the call of duty on a regular basis?

Is he/she willing to spend a significant amount of his time on educational activities?

Does my child stand out head and shoulders above the crowd in some way?

Does he/she demonstrate leadership and a desire to help others?

Will his/her written communication skills compare well to other equally gifted applicants?

Is my son/daughter truly interested in learning?

How does my son/daughter handle challenges?

Ten Tips for Raising Responsible Children!

In this day and age, parenting is not always an easy task. We want so many things for our children, and we don't want them to have to learn the hard way. Too often, we focus on their happiess at the expense of instilling a sense of responsibility in them. Happy adults usually feel capable of solving their own problems, take responsibility for their actions and choices, and contribute something to the world they live in.

So how do we raise children who will be prepared to handle the challenges facing them in adulthood? Consider these ten tips for raising responsible children.

1. Say "no" to their requests several times a week.


2. Let them solve their own problems as much as possible.


3. Don't rush to rescue them from disappointments and heartache. Instead, support their coping skills.


4. Let them know they are needed in the family by giving them meaningful chores.


5. Take them to volunteer with you.


6. Expect courtesy at all times.


7. Don't let them see you as their personal slave.


8. Allow them opportunities to demonstrate that they are capable by letting them do things for themselves.


9. Realize that if you expect them to be truthful, you have to be able to "hear" the truth without erupting.


10. Teach them that mistakes are a part of life. Help your children see them as learning opportunities.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Someday Your Children Will Be Adults!

Tim and I and my 90-year-old mother just got back from visiting our son, Sean, in Kentucky. He is going into his last year at Butler University, majoring in Actuarial Science. This summer he has an internship with Aegon Insurance, and it has been a wonderful experience for him. We wanted to see him in Kentucky one more time before he heads back to school. Meghan, our daughter, and her boyfriend Frank came with as well. Sean recently passed his first actuary exam, and Meg passed her first set of medical boards. As we laughed and celebrated their successes, I couldn't help but remember the many times over the years that we watched them struggle, grow, succeed, and start the process over and over again. At times, I cried with them over disappointments, heartache, and challenges. Then the sun would come out, and my heart would swell with joy as things turned around for them.

The same holds true for my oldest son, Ryan, and his wife, Heather, who could not be with us for this trip. Ryan is doing a great job as a process scientist in a pharmaceutical company and being trained in Six Sigma, while Heather is a talented artist and teacher who brings warmth and sensitivity to her work. She just completed her master's degree as a reading specialist. They were celebrating their third anniversary while we were in Kentucky.

It is an amazing experience to relate to your children as adults. It puts so many things in perspective, and it also is bittersweet. While I miss their daily presence in my life as children, the rewards of enjoying their adulthood never cease. I look forward to celebrating many more occasions with them as the future unfolds.