What Do We Really Want For Our Children?

From the moment our children enter the world, they own our hearts. Actually, that's not quite true. For most of us, it happens as soon as we find out we've conceived a child. The planning begins, and we're off and running. We start dreaming of the way things will be. As the miracle of life becomes more and more evident, we get lost in the blissful glow of looking for baby furniture, decorating the baby's room, registering at Baby's R Us, nudging our tummies to feel movement within, and anxiously waiting for the BIG EVENT!

Unfortunately, it doesn't stop there. As soon as our little angels enter the world, we begin having huge hopes and aspirations for their futures. "My son is going to be a doctor." "My daughter is destined for greatness." "Look at how smart he is. I know he must be a prodigy." "She's so adorable. I know all the teachers will love her when she gets to school."

So what's wrong with this picture? Without our realizing it, these expectations can lead to quite a few negative results. We'll examine them more closely in later posts, but I'll list a few briefly now.

• Our children start believing they have to live up to our expectations in order to keep us happy.
• We start taking way too much responsibility for their academic, social, and/or athletic success.
• True learning often takes second place to attaining the outward signs of accomplishment.
• In trying to rescue our children from falling on their faces, we often prevent the important lessons taught through hardships and challenges.
• Failure becomes a dirty word, instead of just a sign that we need to change course a bit.
• When we play an overly responsible role in our children's lives, they begin to doubt themselves and their own coping abilities.
• Our relationships become conflicted when our own egos start battling with theirs.
• There is a greater emphasis on competition, rather than on collaboration.

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®